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Cross The Road
Why did the Tiger cross the road ?
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... to get to the 6th & 7th holes !
My Clubs
While the parents of a young Tiger were out on the course watching their kids
play, the mother said to the father. "if I died, would you meet someone else ?"
"I guess so" replied the father.
"would you play golf with her ?" asked the mother.
"probably" replied the father.
"and would you let her use my clubs ?" asked the mother.
"no" said the father.
"no, why not ?" asked the mother...
"because she's left handed" replied the father ....
Knock Knock
Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Tiger
Tiger Who ?
Knock Knock
Who's there ? ?
Tiger
Tiger Who ??
Knock Knock
Who's there ???
Tiger
Tiger Who ???
Knock Knock
Who's there ! ! ! !
Lion
Lion, Lion Who ! ! ! !
..
..
..
I was Lion when I said I was a Tiger !
Trousers
Why did the Tiger take an extra pair of trousers out on the course ?
His parents made him in case he got a 'hole in one' !
The 80's
Tiger - "I usually play golf in the 80's"
Friend - "What, around the main course"
Tiger - "Yes, why"
Friend - "Wow that's really impressive for someone your age"
Tiger - "Yes well, I don't like playing when its any colder as the ball doesn't
roll as far"
Old Balls
A young Tiger was playing golf with his Dad one day. The Tiger stood on the tee
first and hit a perfect shot down the middle of the fairway.
After watching, Dad then opened up a new box of balls and took one out to use.
He sent his shot way right deep into the woods. He then took out another ball
and sent that one into the woods as well.
The Tiger looked over and said, Dad why don't you use old balls when you play as
it must be expensive to keep losing all those new ones.
His Dad replied, "because I never have any, that's why !"
Improvement
Tiger - "Notice any improvement today coach ?"
Coach - "Yes, you've finally had your hair cut"
Caddy Quotes
After 6 1/2 hours out on the course there they were still on the 17th fairway
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Player - "What club do you think I should I use now ?"
Caddie - "Here's the bag, why not try try a lucky dip"
********
Player - "Why do you keep looking at your watch ?"
Caddie - "It's not a watch sir, its a compass !"
Heaven & Earth
1st Tiger - "I'd move heaven and earth to break 30 around this Romany nine"
2nd Tiger - "Try heaven - you've moved most of the earth already !"
I Can Get There !
A group of young Tigers went out on the main course for the first time ever and
on the tee the 1st Tiger said "I bet you I can get there with a Driver and a
Putter"
He took a mighty swing at the ball and watched as it dribbled just off the tee
box about 6 feet away.
The 2nd Tiger reached into the first Tiger's bag and grabbed his putter. "Here
you go then"
Eight Iron
Off the seventh tee, the Tiger sliced her shot deep into the wooded ravine. She
took out her eight iron and went down the hill in search of her ball. After
several minutes of searching in the underbrush, she spotted something glistening
in the leaves. As she drew nearer, she discovered that it was skeleton and it
was holding an 8 iron!
The Tiger immediately called out to the Pro, "Ian, I've got trouble down here!"
"What's the matter?" Ian asked from the edge of the ravine.
"Bring me my wedge," she shouted. "You can't get out of here with an eight
iron!"
Scratch Golfer
I'm a scratch golfer says the Tiger.
Yes, I write down all my good scores and scratch out the bad ones !
Tiger Birdie Chances
Tiger - " I had 9 birdie chances out there today"
Golf Pro - "Really, that's fantastic"
Tiger - "Yeah but the thing is, I was still in the bunker and had a sand wedge
in my hand every time"
Not Recommended Reading
The following chapters are from an old book found by a Tiger in the Golf Pro's
office ....
Chapter 1 - How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt
Chapter 2 - Hitting a Callaway from the Rough After You Hit a ProV1 from the Tee
Chapter 3 - How to Avoid the Water When You Lie 8 in a Bunker
Chapter 4 - How to Get More Distance Off the Shank
Chapter 5 - The Art of Making a Whiff Look Like a Practice Swing
Chapter 6 - Using Your Shadow on the Greens to Maximize Earnings
Chapter 7 - When to Implement Handicap Management
Chapter 8 - Why Golfers Pay £8.00 A Beer From The Cart Girl
Chapter 9 - How to Rationalize a 6-Hour Round
Chapter 10 - How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in the Water
Chapter 11 - Why Your Spouse Doesn't Care That You Birdied the 5th
Chapter 12 - How to Let a Foursome Play Through Your Twosome
Chapter 13 - How to Relax When You Are Hitting Three Off the Tee
Chapter 14 - When to Suggest Major Swing Corrections to Your Opponent
Chapter 15 - The True Meaning of the Birdie-to-Bogey Three Putt
Chapter 16 - When to Re-grip Your Ball Retriever
Chapter 17 - When to Call Your Slice A "High Fade Shot"
Out of My Mind
Two Tiger girls were playing a fun match against two Tiger boys and the girls
began to get a bit chatty.
1st Tiger Boy - "oh please be quiet, you're going to drive me out of my mind"
1st Tiger Girl - "Really, that wouldn't be a drive, that would be a putt !"
Oh Thanks
Billy, a young future Tiger, went to watch his father play around the par 3
course one day and as they approached the first tee he asked his father "So just
how do you play golf then ?"
The father explained about the course, the woods, the irons, teeing off and so
on and then said basically you just have to hit the ball in the direction of
that flag up there on the green.
Billy convinced his Dad to let him have a go and as there was no-one behind them
he agreed. It was a majestic tee shot that flew high in the air, pitched on the
green and rolled to within 2 cm of the hole.
Father - "Wow, that was fantastic"
Billy - "So now what then ?"
Father - "Now you just hit the ball in the hole"
Billy - "Oh thanks, now you tell me !"
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